The Perks and Perils of My Geriatric Pregnancy

This entry was posted on July 2, 2015, in AMYgdala-la-la-land and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 23 Comments

As I approach the final stretch of my time being a pregnant lady, I’ve decided I’d better get on it and write at least one thing about the experience of being a pregnant lady… a “geriatric pregnant” lady, that is.  Apparently, the term “geriatric pregnancy” was originally intended to describe the pregnancy of a woman who was 35 years or older. But, it seems that at some point (most likely due to the violent upheaval of hormonal geriatric pregnant ladies), the medical community decided to change the terminology to “advanced maternal age”.   Here are some perks and perils I’ve noticed from my very first experience with pregnancy…which happens to be at an “advanced maternal age”.

PERKS 

1. I had a good, guilt-free excuse to get new clothes. The husband proposed that we save some money on this by graciously offering to allow me to wear HIS clothes throughout my pregnancy. But, when I demonstrated that just because something is big enough to fit around an enlarged belly doesn’t mean it has the elasticity to stay up, he couldn’t really say much.

2. People let me go first in public restrooms.  So far, this has actually only happened a couple of times. It was a wee bit awkward for the people pleaser in me, but it really came in handy when my need to pee exceeded my need to please. So much so, that I am considering purchasing one of those phony strap-on bellies to have on hand in case of emergencies.

3. At the first sight of a little baby bump, kindly strangers come out of the word work and initiate conversation about the joys of pregnancy and parenthood. If procreation is something you had intended to take part in at the time of your pregnancy, and you don’t mind being loosely associated with the term “geriatric” at 35+, I’ve noticed it is an exciting time to be had by all!

PERILS 

1. Those new clothes I was able to get at the beginning of my pregnancy, seem to have gotten too small in the final stages.  It’s starting to feel as though it might be easier to walk around in a toga.

2.  As my baby bump grows, so do my feet.

Cinderella III Anastasia and the slipper

I swiped this image from the internet at  http://www.iftheshoefitsyou.com/our-thoughts/2015/2/23/the-stepsister-to-cinderella-syndromewere-cursed

Prior to being pregnant, I failed to appreciate the value of having feet that could fit into shoes. Apparently, your feet don’t go back to their original size, either. Bigger feet after pregnancy is a real thing. I can only imagine how big Mrs. Dugger’s feet are after having 19 Kids and Counting. I have a new appreciation for the phrase “barefoot and pregnant”.

3. At the first sight of a more significant baby bump, kindly strangers come out of the woodwork and initiate conversation … without a filter. Instead of hearing things like “Oh how exciting for you” while waiting in line a the grocery store, I’ve started to hear things like “When is your due date? …  Holy crap! You’re huge!  Are you sure there’s not two of them in there? I’ve heard that can happen”…  At no other time does it seem socially appropriate for someone in a grocery store line to comment on a random woman’s physique, but for some reason, seeing a pregnant lady is equivalent to getting drunk;  all inhibitions are gone.

Despite the fact that I am of an “advanced maternal age”,  and I can no longer feel my fingers due to pregnancy-related carpal tunnel syndrome, the experience of being a pregnant lady has been a very good one for me.  I can’t really say it has been any different than a regular pregnancy might be. I’m humbled by the amount of generosity and encouragement I’ve received from my family and friends, and no one (well, except for my little brother 😀 ) has referred to me or my pregnancy as geriatric.

If this were a food blog and not a “recover from my clumsy mishaps blog”, I would share my secret paleee-YO, pregnant lady-safe recipe to thwart cookie dough craving … Okay, I’ll share it anyway.

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Ingredients:

  • 1lb chocolate chips
  • 1lb chopped dates
  • 1lb chopped walnuts

Directions:

Place chocolate chips, dates and walnuts into a large mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly with hands and shove into mouth as quickly as possible. It doesn’t taste 100% like cookie dough, but it comes pretty close! 🙂

23 thoughts on “The Perks and Perils of My Geriatric Pregnancy”

  3. Congratulations! I wasn’t aware you were pregnant. And I hear you on the advanced-age thing. I was 35 when I was pregnant with my second child. Forget the fact I felt great and was in great shape–according to my records, I was still Advanced Maternal Age! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

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    • Thank you, Carrie! On paper, my health appears to be stellar, and I don’t feel “geriatric”. 😀 I’ve been exercising quite a lot throughout the pregnancy, but that is starting to get a wee bit more challenging just recently. The lil’ fella is due in about 4 weeks, and he seems to be a pretty BIG lil’ fella! My daily walks are turning into daily waddles…

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  5. Geriatric Pregnancy <<<<< !!!

    I laughed so hard reading that. Like- a gusto, belly laugh that surely couldn't have been from my (count it) ONE shot of brandy. And on that note, I think I'll take a rather large shot just for you! 🙂

    Ok. I got goosebumps on that one. (It's really sad- and pathetic- when I feel like "I" should be wearing a toga too- after only two shots of brandy. That's how much I don't drink any more.)

    Just wait. Only half a year or so, and you too can have a few shots and believe me- you're gonna need them! ;0) Really though. I'm so dang excited for you and Mr. Wreck. You still have a few good years after Wreck Jr. is born, so you could give him (or her) a sibling (before it's too late!). And let me just say, for the record, I think you're a freaking superhero for having a baby at this age! I'm 465- wait…that's a typo-

    I'm 45 and STILL think about secretly reversing this tubal ligation and surprising my former fiance/BFF. Sigh. Alas, I've already had 4. But you- you could have another EASILY. It's something to consider, you know? You're mega-healthy and could totally pull it off before 45. (Need I mention Gwen Stefani just had her 3rd one at 44?) Exactly.

    Well please keep us updated! I do encourage you to do the Lamaze classes thing- it helped me tremendously. Also, Demerol is your best friend while in labour. 😉 (I promise.)

    Much love to ya, Amy! Good seeing you, as always. ;0) X

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  6. HAHA! I’m sure the shot of brandy didn’t hurt. And thank you for taking one for me, too! And I’m sure you are right, I will definitely need it after a year or so!

    The plan is to give this lil guy (he’s a boy), a sibling before I am forced to make use of a walker. I am trying to stay in good shape but have had a hard time when the ice-cream forgoes simply calling to me and instead starts yelling at me from the freezer section…

    Always great seeing you, too! And much love right back atcha!

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  8. I can appreciate this post as a glimpse into my future. I had another “geriatric pregnant friend” who handled the people coming out of the wood work by asking and doing the same actions they did back to them. So if a stranger touched her belly, she touched theirs. If they asked her age, she asked theirs. She just went about making all the same uncouth comments and questions back at them so they were equally uncomfortable and shamed. LOL Let me know if you try it!

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    • That is a brilliant idea!! So far, I have been fortunate not to have experienced any belly touchers… mostly people asking my due date and then commenting on how huge the size of my belly is, and that I’m not going to make my due date. Maybe an uncouth equivalent would be to comment on a part of their physique, or to ask when he/she plans bathe next. 😀 I will most definitely let you know if I try it!

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  9. Yep, all inhibitions are gone for some people around a pregnant woman. Plenty of women these days are pregnant at 35 or older, and have no problems at all. Good luck for those last 4 weeks, and for the birth!

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  10. Hi, Lucky Wreck.
    What fun! Your li’l fella must be due pretty soon. I hope it all goes well for you.
    I had a baby at the age of 45. I would have been very cross if someone had called me geriatric! Mind you, I’d still be cross and my ‘baby’ is 23 now. Don’t bother doing the math, just take my word for it, I’m still not happy to be called a geriatric anything.
    Love your recipe! Aiming to try it, even though not pregnant. 🙂

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    • Thank you for sharing your experience, cicampbell! 🙂 I just turned 40 in May, and I am so grateful to know I’m not alone in having children in my 40’s AND in not wanting to be referred to as geriatric! 😀

      I also admire your blog and writing, which makes hearing about your experience that much more awesome! 🙂

      Please let me know if you if you enjoy the “faux cookie dough!” 🙂

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      • Hehe! I will. I’ve been trying to be ‘good’ and not eat so much chocolate and sugary things, but I think I can make an exception for this 🙂
        I’m happy you enjoy my blog and my writing. If you’re needing a book to help you through the next few weeks, maybe you’d enjoy one of my novels, but be careful, some of them might be a bit emotional for you at the moment. As I remember it, those last few weeks kinda get to you…
        All the best,
        Christine

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  11. Hi Amy! I can confirm…your feet can get bigger and stay bigger. My shoe size increased by 1 and never went back. Good luck! I’m so happy for you!

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  12. Hey Amy! Congrats on your pregnancy. I had no idea you were I am sorry or I would have said sooner!! This post made me laugh. I will probably be in the same shoes one day if I ever get pregnant. I know you will be a great mom! Can’t wait to hear funny posts about all the experiences you will have when the baby gets here 🙂 I know you have heard this question a hundred times but do you have a name? And I agree that people saying i looked huge in a grocery store line would frek me the fuck out. Anyone who knows me knows I do not have much of a filter so pregnant or not, it would be going down in the check out line hahaha .

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  13. Just reading this, recommended by bitter ben. Quick question: can compulsively chowing down on handfuls of nuts and chocolate be considered the equivalent of two red lines on the pee stick?

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    • I am glad you stopped by to read! Thank you and thanks to Bitter Ben! I will look forward to reading your blog as well!

      Unfortunately for me, compulsively chowing down on handfuls of nuts and chocolate was a common practice before the positive pregnancy test, and the positive test gave me a great excuse for a while! 😀 BUT, I totally think it could work…being considered the equivalent of two red lines on the pee stick 😀

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